Cross-cultural coffee - a genius idea by the International Irish Immigrant Center
Giving of ourselves is what will finally make us whole.
By Miryam Wiley ( written in May
2011)
That’s what I thought last Wednesday, as I took part in the Cross
Cultural coffee, which gathered some 15 people at the Brazilian Women’s Group.
As part of BWG board, I have often said that we need to have more
informal gatherings to attract the community. I guess other people were
thinking similar thoughts. These coffees were created by the Irish
International Immigration Center to encourage conversations among different
groups that wouldn’t otherwise be talking.
I came across a paper explaining the objectives of the gathering
and made a quiet judgment that it might have been better if advertised in the
community, so people could talk about feeling different, maybe experiencing
prejudice. I was afraid it would become a board members’ conversation with
other leaders and made my judgment as the uninformed person that I was.
Then Wednesday came. The cheerful atmosphere at BWG’s office
pleased me and everyone. As more people arrived and the small circle of chairs
got bigger, I realized the community was, indeed, invited and attending.
As Jeff Stone opened the discussion, introducing himself as a
board member of the Irish Immigrant Center, he said he would ask a few
questions and encouraged everyone to participate. He also warned about our
collective interest in giving everyone a chance. Lovers of talking, like
myself, should refrain from too many turns. Quiet observers should be
encouraged to speak. In my opinion, he excelled at moderating.
It was convenient that he could count on the help of Filipe
Zamborlini, of MIRA Coalition, an enthusiastic organizer. Smart and definitely an extrovert, Filipe is
a talented interpreter and did a good job of keeping the conversation clear for
those who are more comfortable listening to Portuguese, but also those who
needed it translated into English. We all jumped in and helped at times, or
told our stories in one language, then the other. Soon enough the group was
very comfortable and willing to participate.
But who cares who we are and what we like about our original
cultures?
Apparently we all do and the Irish International Immigrant Center
does. I would use IIC or IIIC if these
letters read more like what they mean, but I look at the initials and think
“two c“ or “ three c” first. (Our minds
are resistant. Not all names lend themselves to good abbreviations :)
Back to the coffee...The
abundance of Latin souls gave rise to the information that we all seem to love anyone’s open spirit. That came
from Brazilians and also from MIRA’s Christina Aguillera, who hails from
Venezuela. And certainly from the locals and the Irish. But out of that very notion that we are
comfortable with each other and friendly in ways that are so welcome, also came
criticism that some of us may not have become educated about the loudness of
our conversations. Or the political correctness of our comments.
Some of us are bothered by that, really bothered. “ People haven’t yet understood that they
don’t need to wait for someone else to educate them about better manners,” said Ruth Alves, one of the coordinators of
the Vida Verde co-op.
Indeed, several of us found ourselves realizing how loudness is
common among many Brazilians and I shared
my mother’s experience back home, in Brazil. She has to endure the
loudness of the Athletic club across the street, where “ improvements” include louder and louder outdoor sound equipment and lately, stadium lights
for night swimming at a pool very close to
many homes. Bizarre! ( And awful!)
Several of us are annoyed by stereotypes: Brazilian women as
curvaceous, lrish men as alcoholics. But we were able to realize that those who
bring up those stereotypes are often trying to make a connection. Or sometimes, there is a reality no one
wishes to admit: “ There were 12 pubs in a stretch of one kilometer back where
my family lives in Northern Ireland,” said Ronnie Millar, the deputy director
of the Irish Center.
The fact that Brazilians are supportive of each other in the
community came up several times and many are thankful for it. “Sometimes I
learn about a computer course, or an English class in the community,” said Nalva. “To know that people will share
what they know makes me happy.”
But there are those who spread misinformation, making the work of
Roseclay Martins a bit harder at times:
I help people get information about what they need at the Brazilian
Consulate,” said Rose, who works for the
St. Anthony’s Catholic parish in Allston “ At times, as I am telling them what
they have asked, they say I am wrong because someone else told them
differently. I may tell them to go back to that person to get what they need,
then.”
When Jeff switched the conversation to religious beliefs,
Lucimara Rodrigues said that Brazil is still mostly Catholic and that her
mother said that if you ask a dog about his religion, he might bark:
“Catholic.” While that prompted some
laughter, that was not the experience of another woman ( whose name I never
learned) who recalled her daughters graduation from medical school, in Brazil, in a ceremony that
included not only Catholic priests, but pastors from different faiths as well
as Buddhist monks, spiritualists, and even representatives of Umbanda and
Candomble -- African traditions brought
to Brazil by slaves and still very present in the lives of many.
Heloísa, BWG executive director, shared that she has seen people
from Brazil mention their experience with two or three different traditions at
the same time: “ Someone could be
Catholic and go to a Candomble or Umbanda ceremony,” she said. “Brazilians are comfortable with
that.”
As we mentioned our own experiences of Brazil projecting them into the whole
country, I confessed to my disbelief when, one day, after being in this country
for several years, I realized that when I said the expression “ In
Brazil,” the picture I had in my mind
was the dining room table at my mother’s house!!
In a large and extremely diverse country such as ours, we are not
likely to be able to respond to “ how Brazil is,” other than our own personal experience and
the stereotypes perpetuated by the media.
But indeed, the gathering proved to us that we all do have
something in common: our serious interest in being in community, whether
American born, Irish born, Brazilian born
or born anywhere else.
“There was nothing lost in translation,” said Millar. “When the baby ( Gigi) fell, we
all looked at the same place and we all wanted to make sure she was fine, but
we didn’t need to say anything.”
Anne Auerbach, former employment coach for the Walshvisa Program
of the Irish Immigrant Center, shared her enthusiasm for the friendly
conversation:
“ I was so impressed with how open everybody was,” Anne said. “ It was amazing to hear the
stories people had to tell.”
“We really need to be better integrated with other groups of
people,” said Lucimara. “ I really liked
to meet the nice people that joined us.”
At the end I shared that I was reminded of what author Rachel
Naomi Remen calls “ to listen generously,”
something I heard when she was interviewed by NPR’s Krista Tippet, in
her show On Being (which airs on WBUR
Sundays at 7AM )
Nothing seemed contrived, as we truly spoke from our hearts and
showed our interest in each other’s stories. That was, indeed, a way to start a
conversation, something that could bring us together and encourage others to
start the same, away from technology, away from censorship and most of all,
very close to our human experience.
I feel completely whole for having given a large part of myself
at this coffee gathering.
